KING: A Man and His Dream

2/24/06 Thursday/Friday 1:30 AM

AHHHH!  Tomorrow, er actually, in about SEVEN hours KING opens for the Spring 2006 semester!  To be honest, I don't think we're fully ready.  We had a productive four hour rehearsal today but... it's still shaky.  My alarm is set to 5:35!  I will sleep before 2 AM though, like I promised Kat I would... I'll go to bed at 1:59:59  

This past Wednesday I met up with Pierre's film group for this project film called Crazy House.  Pierre gave me a nice role.  It's a short film, with four actors, and I play Mike Duong.  He's kind of out there... a little bit odd... a little bit crazy.

And here's a funny thing I picked up from Candy.... it's a comment on the last 15 different people who left you a comment thingie she put up on her MySpace.  Luckily for me.... of course, I had to be number 15...

Tell something juicy about number 15:
Hmm.... I don't think I know anything really juicy about Steve, I have two really long classes with him this semester though so ask me again after a few step shows where we have to get to school as early as tomorrow... lol

Physically, what stands out with 15?
today it was the way he looked in the hat for the show! he looked like he should be playing with little trains! heehee JUST KIDDING, what stands out is that he's not afraid to just walk up and start talking to people

The hat was awesome.  I should wear it off to the side tomorrow lol.  Time's winding down.  It's time to step up....

----

2/26/06 UPDATE

WE DID IT, baby, WE DID IT.  KING rolled out, and KING rolled on.  Considering the fact that we only RAN THAT SHIT THROUGH FULLY ONCE, we did a pretty damn nice job!  Some actors had some trouble on stage with their lines, and that was a little scary, lol.  Chris said it was like "Night at the Improv."  Fuck yeah it did.  At times it sure did...

How did I do?  Fantastic of course.  LOL.  I had all my lines down.  Blocking was a slight mess but we worked our way around it.  You have to understand we only had a WEEK to put this show up.  If you want to get technical, really, ONLY A QUARTER OF A DAY.

It wasn't STEP's best show ever, but it was alright.  Like I told Pierre tonight -- "King wasn't rollin' round in his grave -- he might not have been gleaming ear to ear BUT he sure as hell wasn't rollin' round in his grave."

Man, I woke up at 5:35 AM and got to SJSU at 6:45!  Call time was at 7:30 but I just wanted to get in the right frame of mind, you see.  Only Ramon, Pierre and Kat were there already.  The day before in STEP we were joking around about fuck -- let's just spend the night in the theatre and run this shit through and through!  We do have a call time of 7:30 so just wake up in the theatre and get crackin at the butt crack of dawn!  Haha.  That woulda been crazy fun.

So we did two shows.  It's funny, in the beginning we open with Aquanetta, Ramon, Kat and Pierre on stage singing.  The rest of us are in the back of the audutorium, and as they sing, we join in, and, holding hands, walked up to the stage.  It was so that the guys held the guys' hands and the girls the girls.  It's 2006 kids.  ITS OKAY.

The whole thing was fun.  Once everyone goes offstage we're all madly reaching for our script to see what's next and what's our next lines.  It was CRAZY.  Backstage was fucking small too, so we were squeezed in like a bunch of canned sardines.  I had the most fun with my MLK scene.  I enjoy mixing it up with Pierre (who was playing a mean white bus driver).  You know, I love how an Asian's playing MLK and an African American is playing a white bus driver in this scene.  You gotta love STEP.

Here's the scene:

Me: By the time I reached 11th grade, I was already the captain of my debate team.  My words were getting bigger every year.  One weekend I travelled with my teacher to a small town outside Atlanta to participate in a speech contest sponsored by the Negro Elks.

*me and Kerilyn enter bus, Kerilyn hands me my trophy I won from the speech contest*

Kerilyn: Martin, I'm so proud of you.  Your speech tonight was excellent, and you certainly deserved to win.  This is the first year I've ever made this awful two hour bus ride home with a winner.  Oh, we're stopping to pick up more passengers.  We'd better move to the back.

Me: No, Mrs. Sawyer.  Stay where you are.

Pierre: Alright you two, I didn't mind so much your sittin' up here in the front of the bus when the bus was empty, but there are some white folks gettin' on now, you'll have to go to the back.

K: Of course...

Me: Excuse me sir, but we're very happy with our seats as they are.  We intend to stay here.

K: Martin.

P: Well well well.  Listen to the pretty talk.  I never heard such pretty talk from a Negro before.  But if you know what's good for you boy, you'll shut your pretty mouth and move your pretty butt to the back of the bus.

Me: We paid just as much for these seats as did ANYONE else.

P: GET OUT OF MY FACE BOY.  Those white people don't want to sit with no niggers.  Now get up.

K: Martin, please.

*I get up*

Me: Because, sir, my insistence is causing embarrassment to this woman who is my teacher and my friend, I will leave this seat.

K: Thank you, Martin.

*I move to the aisle*

P: Uppity nigger.

Me: But I will NOT sit in the back of the bus.  I will stand in the aisle from here to Atlanta, if that will encourage you to leave this woman alone.

P: You can stand in that aisle till the South rises again boy, but you ain't sittin' in that front seat.

*I'm standing, trophy in my left hand, right hand holding the bus handle on top, Pierre pretends to hit potholes and curves, and I'm bouncing up and down lightly, like I'm on an actual moving bus*

Me: For the next two hours, I stood.  The driver hit every pot hole and swerved round every curve he could find.  But I would not sit in the back of the bus.  I stood, proud and tall.

*Man, I get goosebumps just thinking about that scene, and those lines there... it's good stuff*

*at this point, I'm still standing in the aisle reacting to how Pierre drives, and the other actors come out on stage singing*

This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine, Let it shine,
Let it shine

*Me and Kerilyn join in, still on the bus*

Hide it under a bushel? No!
I'm gonna let it shine
Hide it under a bushel?  No!
I'm gonna let it shine
Hide it under a bushel?  No!
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine, Let it shine
Let it shine.

*me Pierre and Kerilyn exit off stage singing*

Don't let segregation blow it out!
I'm gonna let it shine
Don't let segregation blow it out!
I'm gonna let it shine
Don't let segregation blow it out!
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine, Let it shine
Let it shine

You know, that whole scene... I think it's the best in the whole play.  I really do.  I remember standing there, my right hand holding an imaginery bus handle -- bouncing up and down as the first verse of THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE is being beautifully sung (before I join in that's why!  LOL), man... I swear I had goosebumps.  I looked out to the SEA of little children, sitting there, glazing up at us with hopeful little eyes.  I remember Buddy Butler (our teacher and director) standing all the way in the back, and I saw a smile crept across his face.  There was just this awesome feel-good atmosphere in the room, for that one minute.  You know how you work hard on something and although it didn't come out like how you hoped, there's THAT ONE moment where everything is "yes!"?  Yup.

Another scene that I enjoyed was when I was the mean bus driver.  I put on the same dark hat and sunglasses Pierre wore earlier in our scene.  Lani was playing Rosa Parks.

Basically she refused to give up her seat.  After one of her lines, I stood up in a RAGE.  And man, it was soooo funny hearing the kids going "OOOOOOH!!!!!!" like they were scared or that the situation was getting hairy.  I dunno how mean I looked, but I did my best.  I stormed over to Lani, and paused for dramatic effect.  You could feel the kids' tension like "what he's gonna do to her?"  I heard one kid go "UH OH...." lol!

Once I milked the moment, I went into my line "There's no talking sense with you people, is there!  FINE!  OFFICER!!!!"

I think thats the best feeling when you're up there acting.  You just want the viewer to feel SOMETHING.  Happy, sad, scared, tense, whatever.  ANYTHING BUT BOREDOM.  That's the shit.

We did do KING twice, a double header for you baseball terminology hounds out there.  We perform KING again at a different school two weeks from now, so we have next Thursday all four hours to patch up holes... I know we'll be alright.

Tonight I was over at SJSU theatre working with Pierre on his film project CRAZY HOUSE.  We were blocking Chris' scene.  Then I drove Pierre to his apartment where we blocked my scene.  It was cool.  It's definitely R-rated, lol.  Pierre told me tonight what a great job I did in KING, and what a great job I've done everytime I act.  I didn't really know what to say, I was just like thank you.  Do I think I'm good?  I wouldn't say it that way.  I am by far not the best, but I am very mad dedicated about this shit, and I guess it shows.  Pierre's a great actor.  I was telling him about our 2nd KING show, how his bus driver hat kept falling off his head, and how the kids were laughing.  When he looked back at me to do his lines, he was on the verge of laughing himself.

That bastard almost threw me off!  I couldn't break character!  So I put on my best acting cap and blocked it out, and kept the scene going.  But we had a good laugh about that afterwards.  It's always a pleasure to work with that fool.  Fo shiga dell.

I'll leave you with this quote from anonymous.  "I think STEP has the best fucking actors in the department."

Hey pal lay off the crack pipe 

2/16/06

!Back 2 Da FUTURE! Today me and Jeannette talked about uncertainties.  She doesn't quite know right now if she's cracked out to be a teacher.  You know sometimes I get that same feeling.  But in the end, through any doubt I may have, I know deep down THIS is what I want to do with my life.  We got into it good and I just told her what my friend told me.  This friend is teaching out there in 'the real world' and he gave me the best piece of advice anybody ever gave me in recent memory: "Keep at it." That's what I told Jeannette.  I mean, it was coz of this girl that I got into the major back in 2002.  We've gone through the highs and lows together.  On March 10th there is a credential program meeting on campus and we're going to check that out.  It really amazes me how fast the years and semesters have zipped on by.  One day me and Jeannette we're out in Hugh Gillis Hall goofing around the theatre office picking at phamplets for a theatre minor, wildily dreaming about the possibilities of the future to now staring SMACK DAB at the future "RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES!" (as one, Kevin Harlan, would exclaim) Walking to Subway we were laughing and cracking jokes like two little kids.  You know, you have associates, and acquaintances, shit like that, but the Jeannette's of the world are pretty special.  She's always been there for me when I needed a smile, laugh or whatever.  She's a good friend.  Switching from Major talk to Minor affairs... I did not make the cut for the SJSU production "Joe Turner" or the other shows.  Lani made it though!  I'm so proud of her.  My audition was OK, but it coulda been better.  Like I said before it's ALL GOOD.  With STEP and 17 units, I have enough on my plate.  STEP is gearing up for our next production -- "KING: A Man and His Dream."  I'm pretty excited about this project, we're moving hella fast!  Our 1st tour show is either one week from today, 2/23 or one week from tomorrow, 2/24.  THATS MAD CRAZY!  I have the honor of playing 4 different roles: 1. Martin Luther King Junior as a junior in high school (everyone in this play gets to be MLK at one stage of his life -- showing that he is in all of us.  Love it.) 2. Governor George Wallace 3. The Mean Bus Driver (I tell Rosa Parks, ole Lani, to move it bitch, lol.  It's SOOO funny -- last semester I tell Lani to sit the fuck down.  This semester I'm telling her NOT to sit but rather stand the fuck up. Das right, bitch.  Stand the fuck up  ) 4. Speaker Pretty good stuff.  A lot of my scenes I'll be working with Pierre, Lani and Kerilyn... the "murderers' row" bwahaha.  Looking forward to it. Last night I started reading this cool play called "Death and the King's Horsemen" by Wole Soyinka.  I fucking got into it!  I started at 2:10 in the morning, and finished it two hours later at 4:10 AM!  I went nuts.  I was reading it out loud and bringing each character to life I could feel see touch smell hear the play right there in my kitchen!  It was an amazing feeling.  I felt energized and totally alive.  Great play. I was telling Jeannette that today and her reply: "Geez Steve, I can just picture you pacing your kitchen at 4 in the morning acting it out like a nut.  *mocks me by pacing around with play in hand, she did a pretty good job haha*" And I'll leave you with that.  FO SHIGA DELL!!!1112 2/17/06 UPDATE: Wow, we're really getting this show on the road FAST!  Yesterday in STEP we find out we perform NEXT Friday!  And what's the call time?  7:30!  Friday morning, biatch!  Haha.  Who says this ain't hard work?!   We spent the four hours in class rehearsing it and whatnot.  We have next Thursday (another four hours) to run it all the way through, block it and use the props properly.  STEP moves fast, and that's what I love about it. We didn't get to finish running through it yesterday because Sarah came in (our "voice trainer/teacher") to teach us the SEVEN songs that are featured throughout KING: A MAN AND HIS DREAM.  I'll get to that in a bit. We ran the play through the part where I play Martin as a high school junior.  That's my favorite scene, because I get to work with Kerilyn and Pierre, and that's always a lot of fun.  Me and Pierre go at it, he's the mean bus driver and I'm just trying to sit up front where I paid good money for.  Eventually, I stand in the aisle way... and Pierre swerves around curves and potholes, to which I react accordingly.  We had fun with that. Kerilyn is amusing, when we sat on the bus seats we started jumping up and down on them like it was a real bumpy trip, haha.  Silly girl, Trix are for rabbits!! The seven songs were my favorite part though.  We stood in a circle and sang the songs, and Sarah was like "WOW this is such a great group!"  Of course, it helps to have great singers like Aquanetta and Kat leading the charge.  But hey!  I do sing loud and proud, even if it's not the best singing voice since civilization was founded, lol. That's what KING is all about.  Sing it loud and proud.  If you believe in the message, it will be beautiful.  And together?  That's the POWER.  That's what we're hoping for the elementary school kids to get out of.  Believe in the power of yourself and of us, as a common people and a nation.  Going by the song lyrics and how good we sing it together, I know they will.  Coz I got goosebumps! Speaking of the school it's kinda sad.  They are a very very very poor school, and another school closed down nearby, so ALL those kids got transferred to this school.  There's two schedules, one group goes 7 to 2 and the other like 9 to 4 and man, lunch for one group is at 9:30 -- that is ALL WRONG YO!  Man I can't even imagine what that would be like!  We're performing King TWICE next Friday, 2/24.  Same school, different group.  It's our chance to make their day a little brighter.  That makes me feel good.  That's what STEP is all about.  I love it.  It sounds corny but it can be very humane and altruistic... at least for me that's how I see it... I remember as a kid in elementary school, watching plays and 'special' assemblies... it always brought a smile to my heart.  There's a certain 'feel-good' aspect to it all.  You know, that's what it's about.  We're going to brighten up some kids' day, and we're also sending a good message.  It's such a breath of fresh air in today's ME-ME-ME world, y'know?  I'm so proud to be a part of this -- again. Here are the seven songs... WE SHALL OVERCOME We shall overcome We shall overcome We shall overcome some day Chorus: Oh deep in my heart I do believe We shall overcome some day We'll walk hand in hand We'll walk hand in hand We'll walk hand in hand some day We shall all be free We shall all be free We shall all be free today THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE (Chorus) This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine (3x) Let it shine, Let it shine, Let it shine. Hide it under a bushel? No! I'm gonna let it shine! (3x) I'm gonna let it shine! Let it shine, Let it shine Let it shine. Don't let segregation blow it out! I'm gonna let it shine (3x) I'm gonna let it shine Let it shine, Let it shine Let it shine FREEDOM NOW *hehe I love this part, some of us are going to be on tables and stuff, doing the whole go-go dance thing from the 60's* Na na na na na Na na na na Na na na na na na na na, Freedom now! Do you want your freedom -- Oh yeah! Do you want it now -- Um Hummmm! Do you want your freedom -- Oh yeah! Let me hear you say na na na na na na Freedom now! Do you want a job?  Oh yeah! Do you want to work?  Um Humm! Do you want a job?  Oh yeah! Do you want to work?  Um Humm! Let me hear you say it! Na na na na na Na na na na Na na na na na na na na, Freedom now! Do you want respect?  Oh yeah! Will you give respect?  Um Humm! Everybody needs it. Do you want to march?  Oh yeah! For your rights?  Um Humm! Will you march for freedom?  Oh yeah! Join the freedom fight. Na na na na na Na na na na Na na na na na na na na, Freedom now! (a totally FUN song, shoulda seen me and everyone else jiving to the na na na part hahaha =) BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord; He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored; He hath loosened the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword: His truth is marching on. Glory!  Glory!  Hallelujah!  Glory!  Glory!  Hallelujah! Glory!  Glory!  Hallelujah!  His truth is marching on. WE SHALL NOT BE MOVED We shall not, we shall not be moved We shall not, we shall not be moved Just like a tree that's standing by the water We shall not, we shall not be moved We shall not, we shall not be moved We are fighting for our freedom, We shall not be moved We shall not, we shall not be moved We shall not, we shall not be moved We are fighting for our children, We shall not be moved Lift every voice and sing Till earth and heaven ring Ring with the harmonies of Liberty; Let our rejoicing rise High as the listening skies, Let it resound loud as the rolling sea. Sing a song full of the faith that the dark past has taught us Sing a song full of the hope that the present has brought us Facing the rising sun of our new day begun Let us march on till victory is won. "O, I woke up this morning with my mind stayed ON FREEDOM Woke up this morning with my mind stayed ON FREEDOM Yes, I woke up this morning with my mind stayed ON FREEDOM! Halleju -- Halleju -- HALLELUJAH! I was walkin' and talkin' with my mind stayed ON FREEDOM. Walkin' and talkin' with my mind stayed ON FREEDOM. Yes, walkin' and talkin' with my mind stayed ON FREEDOM. Hallelu -- Hallelu -- HALLELUJAH!"

Good-Bye 2005, Hello 2006

*Christmas Morning*

Change can be great.  There's been quite a few changes this past year, all in all, it was a great year with good memories, and good experiences I will take with me in 2006, and forever.

2005 was the year I realized a dream of mine since high school -- to be in a school play.  The year where I worked two jobs at once for the first time ever.  And among a lot others, the year where I had my first film audition (and got casted in an independent movie for 2006)

Speaking of such, by luck, I visited a group here on MySpace around December 17th.  I saw an ad promoting an independent film to be made here in NorCal, with auditions in MODESTO December 19-22.

In years past, or more accurately, even as short as FOUR months ago, if I saw the ad, I would not "go for it."  But this past semester I learned a lot and developed a different attitude than I had coming into the 2005 Fall semester.  Also, I owe any "acting accomplishments" to STEP, coz it was STEP that helped bring out my potential, it made me think, "Hey... I can really do this."

I have never driven to Modesto before.  My sense of direction is far from the best... but the 160 mile trip (back and forth) did not deter me one bit.  I was a man possessed... see, when I get passionate about something, I seriously think sleep eat shit it.  It's not an exaggeration by any means.  I was determined to drive to Modesto and give it my very best shot.

I had work Monday at Sanrio... so on a gray, cold Tuesday morning, I left my house around 11 to start the 160 mile trek.  I smiled at the familiar sights that rolled past me -- Milpitas to Modesto you take North 680... same way you would take to get to Sacramento, and back in the day my family went to Sacto like once every month to hang out with the K-25 Krew.  (back when everyone was young)

The infamous "Cat Sewers" near Stoneridge Drive still stands.  Fuck.  Just seeing that shit... it brought back so many memories of when I was a 5 year old and asked my rents "why are those giant cat face masks attached to the sewer holes?"  LOL.... good to see some things don't change...

The audition area was not fancy, not like how I envisioned it.  I initially was greeted by a 300 pound man named Bubba who asked "SMOG CHECK?"

"Oh no bro, I'm here for the audition."

"That'd be one door down.  Good luck."

It was a small little complex... but it did have a certain "independent" flare/style about it.  lol.  I met the director, Ousa, we had messaged back and forth on MySpace prior, so it was cool to meet each other in actual real life

I came in as this African American brother (in his 30's) was stumbling through his audition.  The cameras rolling on him, he stuttered on his lines and I heard him say "sorry" 3, 4 times.

When he finished, he and Ousa wrapped things up, and as he walked by me he shook my hand and said "hey, this is fun."  He was a goofy character, haha.

This Indian/Mexican girl handed me a sign-in sheet.  Imagine my reaction when I noticed two actors I know from SJSU (one which I personally worked with on WITCH) had auditioned just the day before!  That pumped me the FUCK UP!

I asked her how those two did, and she said very well.  Ousa and the guys heard and asked me our connection... just 3 SJSU amigo's involved in the theatre department.

Ousa gave me a script and asked me to read Andy, when I was ready.

So I took a few minutes to go over the scene, then I performed it.

I thought I did below par.  I didn't stumble, but I had trouble trying to FIND the character Andy.  This was only my 4th formal audition in my young acting pursuits thus far.

After I finished, Ousa looked at me like "Show me what you really got.  You didn't message me and come all this way for nothing did you".

"You got a monologue you would like to do?"  he asked.

And I wasn't going home with JUST THAT (Andy line reading), oh HEEELL NO.

I thought about it for a second... monologue... monologue... it wasn't long before TALBOT burst into my mind.

"Yeah, I got something."

I stepped outside for 3 minutes... gearing myself up.

Then I stepped back in, went over to the audition area, and with two camera's rolling, and a cameraman snapping photo's of me... I suddenly transformed into TALBOT.

"Don't lecture me on what is justice, Goodman Wood.

Mercy Wood, SIT DOOOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The security of a community depends on its piety, its righteousness.  Our piety is a great wall that keeps out witchery and evil.  When our wall cracks, evil drifts in like a poisonous smoke, spreading over everything -- killing, corrupting the minds of the good people, who for the briefest moment allowed their piety to drop.  THIS community is suffering from a TERRIBLE blight, the ONLY way to save those still sick and dying is to IDENTIFY and ELIMINATE THE CAUSE!

Katherine Tyler, called KIT, IS ACCUSED OF CONSORTING WITH A KNOWN WITCH!!

scene"

I can't really put into words the feelings I felt at that moment.  After I said "scene" to signal the end of the piece, all the people watching, they were literally stunned.  They started clapping, and they shook my hand.  Ousa had his arms crossed, a smile on his face and he was like "... WOW.  Very impressive."

From Andy to Talbot, the difference was night and day!  If it weren't for STEP, I would definitely NOT be here.  Talbot saved me.  He really did.  It's scary, because I feel I have the character down so much, I really do feel the complete transformation, and as an actor, that's what you aim to do.  You want to completely become the character, so that you don't PLAY the character, you ARE the character.

When I got home I excitedly informed my STEP pals about it, and that Ousa were looking for an Asian female lead!!  So I told Kat about it and she was like "Awwww why does it have to be in Modesto?  I have no way of getting there!!  My car is too crappy to make it that far."

So I told her, hey, I can drive ya.

She was so happy and called it a "mini road trip" and all hehe.  I told Ousa in advance I was bringing him a "nice little number" haha for the main Asian female lead.

Kat had a GREAT audition.  Ousa told us Kat's one of two choices for the main lead....

And just two hours ago, Ousa contacted me and told me....

I'M IN!!!!!!!!!!

What can I say but... it's been a great 2005, and 2006 is going to be just as good, probably better (in part that I graduate!!!)  This film project has made and will make my winter break of 05/06 one to never forget.  From simply dreaming and being on the outside looking in to first school play production ever to first film ever.  It goes to show me, you just have to get your ass out there, work hard, connect with the right people, and a little luck on your side never hurts!

Heh, it's Christmas morning... I'm going to Viv's Christmas Party later today... should be good times.

2005.... been nice knowing ya.  Thanks for all the memories, growing pains and personal/group triumphs... I'm a better person for all of it.

-----

January 16, 2006

Happy MLK Day everyone.  I did my shoot dates for the movie, and I am very psyched to see how the whole thing plays out.  All my scenes were done inside this gorgeous mansion.  Not just any ole mansion but it belongs to the MAYOR of Modesto.  Now das coo 

I had a lot of fun with this movie, working and hanging out with the cast members, it's been a blast.  I had to grow out a moustache and beard for my role, coz they needed me to look 25+... so for 2 and a half weeks I grew it out (longest time I grew it out in my life)  I'm back to having a babyface now though, haha.

I'm so excited to see the finished product.  We got some GREAT talent working on this, and its funny.  There is a prostitute in the script, and when this one girl walked in the room, OH IT WAS CLEAR WHO SHE WAS    (<--- just playin'..)

So you know how males tend to not stop and ask for directions?  Well, I don't mind asking for directions, and one night I stopped by a Jack in the Box in Modesto to find out the quickest way to North 99.  A young female worker came outside as I was about to go in.  She was helping me and she said something that made me laugh inside so hard.

"So you take blah blah, you'll get to this part of Modesto."

I nod.  "Oh I know."

"Uh huh, and what do you know about Modesto, other than hitting on the girls who work here?"  She said playfully.

That's when I did the whole adjust the sleeves thing and go "Well you know, you see" shtick.  Haha.  Before I went home I stopped by Wendy's and this female employee was having a smoke outside, so we just chilled for a while, it's great to have interaction with complete strangers... I love it.  And by interaction I mean TALKING.

Alrighty, I'm heading off to sleep.  I'm just enjoying the break.  Still working out.  School starts a week from tomorrow.  Just enjoying my final winter break as an undergrad  

damn yo I haven't updated this shit in ages... well I have written stuff but just didn't post it here.  So here's to some backlogging...

11/29/05

~ I dream about you baby, and I think about you all the time ~

My good pal Tony came back to town last week from New York, and I caught up with him and Jeannette over dinner.  It was great to see the fool again... out there making it in fucking New York city.  It was like a 2002 reunion -- the 3 of us took English 1B together.  Jeannette was the girl who introduced me to the Liberal Studies major back in spring of 2002.  I was still undecided in my Major, then I met Jeannette, and she pointed me to the existence of said major, and the rest is history.

I remember we were just two very innocent naive 19 year olds back then.  I remember how we excitedly talked about both minoring in Acting, and how we ran down to the theatre office in HGH right before class began and plucked at the various phamplets there... including "College... I Majored in Love... But I Minored in Acting!" 

Jeannette went on to minor in Criminal Justice while I went through with Acting.  We bring it up every once in a while and recall with fond memories what a great time we had.

Couple weeks ago I was in theatre class when she called.  "STEVEN I'M GETTING MARRIED!"

Tony... man.  I needed that LA trip back in May.  Just needed to get out of the Bay for a weekend and clear my mind, my soul, my spirit.  At the same time I knew he would be leaving to New York for good later that month.  So we decided to drive out to LA for the weekend, have one good last hurrah so to speak.  Definitely did the trick.

The three of us getting back together for one night.... recalling the good times while looking ahead... the cat's pajama's right there 

All in all, a memorable Thanksgiving weekend.

This weekend I'm taking the CBEST.

Today in dance class my group did our rainbow dance.  It went pretty well.... it was fun watching Crystal having a heart attack 5 minutes before our performance, haha.  We met over dinner Sunday night to go over the dance, but we kinda skipped the dance lesson talk.  I wasn't surprised at all.... it's all good.  Sometimes it's really great to sit down with people you work with, and get to know them a little bit better.

It was kinda funny (OK, sad really) coz my dance group met at Cheesecake Factory by Valley Fair.  That was where the WITCH cast had our post-show celebration meal.  And so this past Sunday night as we were walking to our table, I saw the same table where we (the WITCH cast) sat and I had one of those flashback scenes in my head!  Complete with the two strangers who walked by our table that night and said "Hey you guys were awesome tonight, we were there!"  I know, it's real sad, really.  =P

Speaking of such... during rehearsal for THE WITCH recently, after we performed it to our director, we all sat down on the stage for her to critique us, right.  So here's what happens.

I'm sitting there, looking down at some previous notes.  Next thing I know, I hear this sob sound, a commotion soon follows, I look up and saw my director..... glasses off.... in tears!

Everyone was like .... exactly.  dot dot dot.....

Couple "oh's" and "aww's" ensued until our director finally spoke through tears flowing down her cheeks.

"I just want to say.... how much I appreciate you guys working hard and keeping the script fresh in your mind after all this time... and especially, to Cecily... you just...."

Yeah our director kinda broke down.  I'm so used to seeing her being strong and all that, it was weird seeing her kinda pour her heart out to us.  She just couldn't hold it in.

And Cecily, I gotta say... (she is pretty much in every scene of the play, she's the main character of the play) that girl is pretty damn amazing.  Fo realz.

We are touring WITCH December 6th.

Tonight I sort of put together a small gathering of the WITCH cast, so we can work on certain lines and scenes.  I just do not want us to mess it up like we did last tour show, and so I'm taking some action to help see that that doesn't happen again.

We're meeting again Wednesday night.  We'll have an actual full ensemble run through Thursday.

Over the weekend I got an email from a cast member in the WITCH that was very touching... I'll share some of it

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OHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   Steve you are awesome. You have absolutely made my fucking day. I really needed the pick me up and u sure did deliver. Of course I know ur just flattering  me on account of high hopes that i'll fall for that age old trick and help out the boys. And you know what? It worked. I'm down hon. I wasn't really all that into helping last month for several reasons-I had my shit to deal with (relationship). So i do apologize for not lending the helping hand then. But now i can fix this with you and Kyle by my side we will be UNSTOPPABLE!

   And I am very honored to hear that you think that Kyle and myself are the best actors in the troupe, I really am. Cuz boy you, YOU have out shined many on that stage and i am just so proud at the fact that you came out and told me to SIT THE (BEEP) DOWN! Honestly you amaze every time you tell me to sit down- the last time you really DID scare me! (HUG) When i read ur email i will be very honest with you, i had a tear in my eye when you said that about me. So thank you.

---

Hopefully we'll do this shit and do it right, like we did in September.  And oh, the play I was supposed to be in "Some of My Best Friends" got cancelled.  STEP wants to do a show on December 7th, but many of us are unavailable that day.  Words Words Words however is a 5 person show, and I now find myself in this new play... that we will be doing on tour for all the Bay Area Kiwanis members December 7th, the day after the WITCH tour.  I didn't know what the hell I was getting myself into when I stepped up, pardon the pun, but hey, if STEP needs my services, I'll be fucking there.  The 12/7 show is critical because if the Kiwanis members likes what they see, they will sponsor us with cash in the future.

No pressure huh?

I can't wait for Winter Break.

Oh yeah, work update. We had a potluck thingie Saturday... it was good.  I brought homemade eggrolls, Faith brought store-bought ones.  She told me reluctantly "OK FINE!  Yours is better"  yay!  pwhahaha. We're doing a secret santa thing with a minimum of $30.  Crazy I been working there for 6 months now.  Gonna start a 2nd job at the mall during winter break too, so I'll be working 2 jobs at once for the 1st time ever in my life (and hopefully, the last and only time)

There's more to say but that's the general gist of what's been going on.....

UPDATE:

Our last Witch show went pretty well all things considered.  The original Gideon came back to check us out and it was good to see the original Ben again.  One actor STILL didn't bring his A-game, but overall I had fun.  The stage was small, so when I made my little speech about piety, I step down the two steps, and got right in front of the 5th graders' grill.  They got all scared because I was this wild judge fanatic, and I had just pretty much told Mercy (Lani) to sit the *BEEP!* down.

As for today's Kiwani's thing, it was cool.  The 5 of us enjoyed it, and the old folks did, too.  After the show, they fed us lunch and many of them came over to thank us for coming here and putting on a show for them.  Looks like it was a smash success... I just got this email from a fellow STEP member:

Now I heard that you guys today kicked ass for the old people and they booked several shows for next year.

Looks like we will get sponsored for cash next semester, yay!  Feels good to know I had a helping hand.  If I didn't do it today, we would have been one actor short, and no show.  I played a jock today... it was fun.

And one scene was just so hilarious.  Me and Aquanetta doing Romeo and Juliet modern version.

Juliet:  But how the heck did you get in here?  You know my dad will kill you if he sees you!

Romeo: I don't give a crap about YO DAD!  COZ BABY *grabs Juliet, slight pause* I LOOOOOOOOOVE YOU!

That was so gangbusta.... fo shiga dell! 

We ended the show with me out in front doing a little dance number and rapping some Shakespeare words.

ADDICTION ADVERTISING BEDROOM BET BLOODIED BUMP *repeat*

then I ended the piece on my knees and yelled out "FOOOO SHIIIIGA DEEEELLL!!!!"  (a regurgitated in-joke to the same phrase I used earlier in the show where everyone looked at me like I was whack, lol)

Kyle, Lani, Kat and Aquanetta came over, grabbed me and said in character "OK, show's over, let's take him away."  We went offstage, then came back on to take our bows. The old timers gave us some love.

We have a lot to be proud of this semester.  A damn lot.

FINAL UPDATE

Hey this time I'm serious

Yesterday was the final time STEP Fall 2005 gathered, and we went out with a bang.  We did our last two shows to SJSU audiences at 2 pm and 7 pm.  I came at 1 and stayed until 8.

The 2:00 show was great.  I wasn't in either show, per se, but I was in both shows.  Hehe.  I was used as a plant in the audience.  There's a scene where one of the actresses is short one male dancer (gee I'm making it sound like a stripper lol), and she looks out in the audience and goes:

"Oh shoot, everyone has a partner except for me.... would anyone like to be my partner?  It won't be too hard!"

Crystal ran out in the audience and grabbed me.  I showed resistance but went on stage acting like I was scared and shit.

So we spent a minute bowing to each other, and doing this Elizabethean dance, then a minute later, the song changes to MY HUMPS by Black Eyed Peas lol.

And this wasn't in the script, but as soon as I heard MY HUMPS come on, something inside of me reacted naturally.

Suddenly I broke out of my timid "oh I don't want to be on stage" act and I stepped out front and center and started busting out all these crazy dance moves.  The audience loved it!  Lani and Kylie were cracking up in the aisle way... and I heard Scott yell "GO STEVE!" when I was doing the hip thrusts.

LOL.  It was great.  Then I jumped off stage and walked all cocky back to my seat like I was the shit.... LOL that was so funny.  I knew some people in the audience who knows me too... so for them to see that... hey thats coo.

After the show Kathleen our director came up to me and said, "So I saw Steve doing the Elizabethean dance and I was like OK good, then when I looked up next thing I knew I saw you dancing like crazy, and you should have seen the look on my face!  I was like OHHHH MY GOD... it was great!  Do that again for the 7'o clock show!"

After the 2:00 show ended, we hugged and gathered around and shit.  The 7 cast was staying back to rehearse, and me and Scott stayed back with them in the theatre.

But most of them left at different points to go eat, do whatever.  Me and Kyle were left alone and we decided to play some catch with his soda bottle 75 feet apart from each other in the big theatre, one-handed throw and catch. 

Kylie came back and I left briefly to go see my teacher about advice on my Witch final paper due next Friday.  When I came back around 3:55 most of the 7:00 cast was on stage working on lines.

I saw Kat in the sound booth above the seating area, and decided to go up there for the 1st time ever and check it out.  Next thing I knew, Scott came in and joined us, and we ended up chilling there for 2 hours, but it seriously felt like 30 minutes, tops.  Good times 

One thing I have to share about the sound booth thing, at one point Scott was sitting there, smiling like an 8 year old who just got a puppy on Christmas morning, with his elbow on the sound table, and his fist resting upon his cheek.

He then said this:

"I love this."

Me and Kat kinda looked at each other.  Scott continued.

"I love this... sitting up here, just chilling... I love being in different places, different levels, and just kicking back with cool people and chilling.  Only thing that's missing is the booze!"  *does his contagious Scott patented laugh* 

I looked at him and just said "Dang doesn't he look 8 years old there!"

Kat just burst out laughing and then we all did coz he really did look 8!  Kat said it was soooo adorable and I agreed... Scott looking like a fucking 8 year old on Christmas morning....  (he's 28 by the way)  But yeah, the sound booth is like 25 feet up, and we were looking down on the big theatre and whatnot... chilling... Scott was right, it was great.  I could tell we were all enjoying the moment, but Scott actually mentioned it, and we were like "yeah, this is nice."  That's the only thing I'll share about that whole get-up though 

The 7:00 show went well, and again, there were several people in the audience who saw me sitting there and said hi.  Just various classmates I had over the years.  I smiled inside coz I was thinking "wait til you see me on stage later"...

This time it was Aquanetta who picked me out.  As I walked up there I heard Abel and Scott cheering me on from the audience.  I did my thing again, and when I came back down to take my seat it hit me that this was pretty much it.  The semester was quickly winding down.

After the show was over most of the STEP cast stayed back to exchange hugs and final words of admiration and memories.  It was very touching.  We had gone through quite a bit this semester and we grew as people.  There was some slight in-house bickering here and there, some crushes, and a whole bunch of other good stories, but mostly STEP had a great semester and we made it happen.

The final person I talked to was Kathleen, our director.  I just told her how much fun it was, and how much I appreciated her trusting me to do the Talbot role, and she just told me how much I've amazed everyone in the department.  Then we hugged, I said good bye to everyone who was left in the theatre and I made my way to my car.... and it was a different kind of feeling walking to my car that night.

I felt a sense of sadness inside me... how many classes do you have where at the end of the semester you hugged everyone and genuinely had some real good things to say about each other?  For me this was my first such experience with a class, and I'll never forget it.

Ricky Marshall came up to me after the last show last night to shake my hand and he told me "Hey you did yo thang, dawg" referring to when I was dancing with Aquanetta on stage.  Haha.  I've always enjoyed watching Ricky act in the past and it was real nice of him to come up to me twice this semester and tell ME that HE liked what I did, as opposed to vice versa.

So yes, STEP will go down as one of my favorite memories when I look back at college one day.  In the beginning, we started out real strong, then after the SJSU Witch shows we kinda went into our little groups, but at the end I really do feel like we came back together as one, and I wasn't the only one to say that out loud.  I'm so proud to have worked with those guys.

Happy Holidays y'all

~ GUERILLA WaRFaRe ~

It was just a kiss it was just a kiss....

It's now been a little over 24 hours since the war took place for STEP.  Yesterday, we packed the bus and headed over to an elementary school to perform THE WITCH OF BLACKBIRD POND.  It was our first tour of the semester, and my first touring experience, period.

"Everyone wants to be a rock and roll star" -- hit the road and be performing to hundreds of adoring fans.  OK it wasn't quite that dramatic yesterday but hey, it was a small taste!

We lost the original Matthew and Gideon for the tour as Bryan and Ben had conflicting schedules.  In their place were two new guys, one whom was plucked ONE week from the tour date.

But lemme back up to my weekend.  On Friday in Humanities 190 I got up in the circle and spoke to my classmates about my thesis -- "The suspicion of witches has led to a better society in the end" -- and that was interesting.  The first two students did it sitting down, but I wanted to stand up in the middle of the circle.  I got up and my classmates clapped to support me.  I was gesturing for them to calm down lol.

I went on this side story about The Witch of Blackbird Pond, and how it was my honor to play Judge Talbot in it, and when I said that some people clapped and smiled.

Friday night I went out with Lani, Kyle and Cecily to Golfland to play some games.  Cecily is going through some tough times right now, poor girl.  Mmm.

Saturday night after work I drove to Scott's place to work with him on his lines.  Kyle came over and we enjoyed some good laughs.  Then Lani came over in a crazy-ass costume... and I mean ass.... hahaha... ahem, and we hung out.  It was fun.  When we walked outside, damn it was a COLD night.

Sunday morning we had our last rehearsal... and it was a mess, to be frank.  Unfortunately, Ben and Scott didn't have their lines down.  Blocking was a mess.  I had to leave at 2:30 for work, and when I left I just had a bad feeling.  We would be performing two days from now, and we're so not ready....

Sunday night during work Scott dialed me up and asked me to help him with his lines again, so I willingly made the drive over after work.  We ran lines, but then we just headed outside and shot the breeze for a while.  He shared with me some deep stuff.

Monday in dance class me and my partners taught the class a Tai Chi lesson.  It went alright.  I could have prepared better for it but I got through it OK.  I could have done better with more focus but my mind was over the place stressing about the upcoming play.

Tuesday... the MOMENT OF TRUTH had finally arrived.  After my 10:15 class I headed over to the green room and hung out with an old classmate buddy talking about theatre stuff.  Scott came at 11 and we ran lines.  Ben came around 11:30 and the 3 of us were working together.  Call was at 1:15... so around 1 everyone showed up.  We got our costumes into their bags and hauled them out to the bus.  During the bus ride we ran lines all the way to the school.

The guys got dressed out in the hallway in the school, lol, and the girls used the small bathroom.  We set our props and screen thingy up on stage, as we heard the trample of little kids filing in the audotorium.

The performance... well, let's just say there was NEVER a dull moment.  Two of the guys just forgot their lines for the most part, and there was a ton of improvising and going by the seat of your pants.  Me and Abel were laughing backstage because we swore we heard Aquanetta saying on stage "What the hell"... and remember this is a play about 1687 Puritan Connecticut lol.

But we soon found out she really said "She fell" haha.  But that was hilarious.  The play was so wild... "what the hell" seemed only natural to be in it..

I felt bad standing backstage when I heard one of the guys mess up on their first line.  Just going by the tone of his voice -- I knew it was going to be a LONG afternoon.

We cut some pages, mostly on purpose because we were running out of time -- they get out at 3:15.  I felt so helpless standing backstage watching my cast members, so when I finally came on stage I burst out with as much energy as I could, and as Pierre later told me, "hey -- you bought us back up."

After the show our director Kathleen addressed us briefly.  She knew she didn't prepare us, and she just told us "You know guys, as bad as you think it was, it was actually OK.  I thought some parts worked out better than I ever saw.  Don't get down on yourselves, and don't place the blame on others."

Pierre was saying how today's show was straight up "guerilla warfare" and I love that line... and it was.  Anytime you were on stage... you had NO idea what was coming next, and you just had to gut it through.

I guess we did OK, for what we had... but I know we could have done so much better, and that's the part that disappoints me.

One of the actors emailed me this last night... and it was deep, wise and touching.

-------

I remember talking last Thursday about how people in Ben's position are going to have only one of two things happen to them.

1) They succeed with flying colors, impressing everyone in the cast and making us feel like slackers with how quickly they were able to catch up.  They seamlessly enter the fold and make it look like they've been with us from the beginning and we tell stories for months to come about their greatness.

2) Our fears and anxieties are realized as the actor doesn't keep up with rest of us.  The performance is a disaster and we drown our misery in drugs and booze, praying our unpleasant memories will be forgotten.  The replacement actors become scapegoats and we pass the responsibility of failure onto them.

In times like this, I like to reflect on the wise words of Buddha: The source of all suffering comes from a desire for things to be different than the way they are.  The show was not good.  Wishing it would've been better will do nothing but mess with your mind.  Yes Scott and Ben weren't ready for mainstage and yes their level of progress was demoralzing to the rest of the cast, but in the end, no matter how often you run lines with someone or pray that they get their shit together - the only person you have complete control of is yourself.  We cannot choose the people we work with.

If, however, you want people to be more professional, the fastest way to do it is to set an example.  Many people follow, few people lead.  You're amazing for spending personal time with both Ben and Scott these past few days.  I remember back when Lani first saw the flame flickering within YOU. She sat you down and threw wood on that flame, piece by piece, until you became the raging fire we have come to know and love as "Talbot".  Now you're the teacher and they are the students.  It's refreshing.  I can almost see the seed of goodwill and camaraderie Lani planted in you, and watch it blossom through your actions.

--------

I always try to give back what I've received.  And Lani, and the others, helped me a lot with their support, and that's what I tried to do with the two newbies.

Lani emailed me this recently

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There is one thing I'd like to say to you. I am very proud of you Steve. Very. I was so impressed that you took the time to help both Scott and Ben. I am hoping that our little sessions making u the Talbot we've grown to love (you scared me on-stage by the way this tuesday) was what gave you the great idea and drive to help the two newbies. I tip my hat to you, my friend.

---

There was at least one positive thing I will take from Parker Elementary... I'll never forget the little girl standing outside the theatre.  As I walked out carrying two bags, she was jumping and saying "You played the judge!  You played the judge!  You told everyone *she put her hands on her hips and made a face* "hey guys chill out!" "

Haha, that made my day.  Seeing her exhuberance of youth and enthusiasm... that was cool.  It's about putting smiles on kids' faces. Thinking about that makes me feel better.

Oh yes, Halloween night.  The highlight was me dropping by the Johnsons and shooting the breeze with them.  That was awesome.  They still do the haunted house every Halloween baby 

I'm still very proud to be a part of STEP and The Witch of Blackbird Pond.  We sink or swim together, no one does it alone.  We will be back, and we will rock 'n roll.